omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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