be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
