u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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