I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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