he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
