What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
