well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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