I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
