I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
