12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
