I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
