the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
