Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
