Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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