so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
