On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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