I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
