It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize