How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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