my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and she was petting her beer can
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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