I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Damn victory sex feels great
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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