I am puke
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
