I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
