I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
