as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
