it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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