I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
