I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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