the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
