Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
