He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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