I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
