Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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