You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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