i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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