My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
