can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
