i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
