Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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