I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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