Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I believe in your delicious
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
