it hurts more in the daytime
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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