she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
