All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
