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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
