the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
