i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
