My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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