shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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