in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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