My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
